I Called It!

Almost exactly three months ago, I called it.

I said the only (real) plausible way for Harry to have come back from the dead was to have him healed by the same Gobline serum that saved Norman oh-so-many years ago.

I thought me being able to call it from so long ago would actually make it not happen. I mean, yes, I knew Harry was back. But I thought Marvel writers were cleverer than me. I thought by saying "goblin formula regeneration" that would force Marvel to say "Thanos" or "Mephisto" or "Ben Reilly."

But no. The answer actually was goblin formula.

And the truth of it is that it actually doesn't bother me.

Sure, I like Harry better dead. I think his character has served its purpose and bringing him back now is just to tug on the ol' nostalgic heartstrings of comic book readers older than 30 (you know, people who remember him before he became a drug addict). I also think this is the final nail in the coffin of The Osborn Tragedy. Bringing him back now doesn't seem anyway to revitalize the books, especially since his return demands a divorice or an anullment or . . . some marriage thing that Marvel usually just hocus-pocuses away.

Also, I like continuity. I've been waiting for this moment ever since Peter Parker: Spider-Man #75, in which Norman revealed that as soon as he was impaled by his glider, the goblin formula began healing his body. Thus his death was only his "apparent death." This obviously opened a revolving door in the lobby of Those Killed While on Goblin Formula (paging Doctor Hamilton -- Doctor Hamilton, you're wanted in the lobby).

Harry's return was only a matter of time. Especially with the Spider-movies doing so well and with Harry being such a loved character in those movies. Why not cash in on that? But now the timing's all wrong.

I would have rather had Harry come back a couple of years ago, maybe just before Spider-Man 2 came out. Sure, it would have looked like a cheap cash-in on the movie, but I'd prefer that over this. Because now, it just looks like they're trying to sweep Mephisto and his marriage-ending schemes under the rug.

Let's not forget it was within just a handful of pages from Mephisto splitting the Parkers up (and destroying years of Spider-continuity) that it was revealed Harry was alive as well. And do you remember Marvel's mantra at the time?

"When you make a deal with the devil, you get what you want, but you also get something you don't want. Peter and Mary Jane saved Aunt May -- but now Harry's back. What's that going to mean?"

The Spider-books are stained. They're tainted. And my Lady MacBeth-like wringing of my hands isn't getting it out.

Totally Plausible?!

Marvel's feeling the backlash to Brand New Day. Check out this solicit for Amazing Spider-Man #581 (due out in December).

"The Trouble with Harry" (or "Harry Osborn and the Chamber of Secrets")

It would sure help HARRY OSBORN if he could remember the completely logical, non-magical, and totally plausible way he came back from the dead. A skill like that could be useful, now that his ex-brother-in-law, THE MOLTEN MAN, is out to kill him! Set your spider-sense to tingling as some of the most requested secrets from the time between ONE MORE DAY and BRAND NEW DAY are revealed.

Which says, really, just one thing:

Mephisto brought Harry back to life. But realizing that readers detest this idea on the level of Greedo shooting first (have I used that analogy already?), they've had to do some circular thinking to try to create a new way to bring Harry back, as if to say, "we always intended to do this."

Who wants to bet they somehow blame MJ for this? Like, the only thing that could have saved Harry was MJ not marrying Peter?

EDIT (9/24/08):

There's really only two "totally plausible" scenarios here:

1.) Harry was saved by the same Goblin-healing formula that saved his father.

2.) Harry is, in fact, a Skrull. As far as I'm aware, the Spider-Man universe has largely (compeltely?) been untouched by Secret Invasion. So this would kind of make sense for Marvel to do -- and the nice thing is, it's something they could have done with or without One More Day.

And, yes, they could have gone with Option #1 without One More Day, but Harry was "dead" for so long that it just wouldn't make that much sense.

The Castration of Green Goblin (and Venom, too!)

In Amazing Spider-Man #39, Spider-Man's arch enemy the Green Goblin discovered Spider-Man's secret identity. It was a shocking moment in comic history. Very few (if any) villains ever figure out the hero's secret identity. Despite all the jokes and teasing, I think Batman is the only character to ever figure out Superman's dual identity. It's something that just isn't done. Why? Because it raises the danger bar. If the Green Goblin is so bent on Spider-Man's destruction, why doesn't he just go kidnap Aunt May or any of Peter's friends?

Marvel drew this moment out a bit by giving Norman Osborn amnesia, but as soon as his memory comes back, Green Goblin strikes quick and hard -- killing Peter's girlfriend. It's that kind of realistic horror that just absolutely stupifies comic readers. Heroes are supposed to save the girls. It's basically comic's golden rule.

When the Green Goblin figured out Spider-Man's secret identity, an already formidable foe became an absolute terror.

Then, two-hundred and sixty issues later, in Amazing Spider-Man #299, Venom, in his first full appearance, is revealed to also know Spider-Man's secret identity. It might still very well be the best reveal of a villain we've ever seen. Spider-Man had retired his red and blues for a sleek black and white outfit and had been swinging around in them for some time. So when Venom is first revealed, it's in the Parker apartment. He steps out of the shadows and for a panel or two, we think it might be Peter. But then he smiles.

Instantly, Venom is propelled into superstardom. Not only does he have one of the coolest backstories, not only are his powers incredible and unbelievable, but he knows who Spider-Man is. And he ain't afraid to show up and scare the living daylights out of Mary Jane.

It's also worth noting that it's in this story arc that Peter goes back to the red and blues. Mary Jane is so traumatized by Venom, she can't stand to see the black and white costume anymore. Peter burns it and goes back to his traditional duds.

So there you have it: Two fantastic villains who set themselves apart from the rest by having the knowledge of Spider-Man's dual identity. It's knowledge that makes them the two most dangerous villains in Spidey's Rogue Gallery.

And One More Day has shoved them back into the pack of villains who simply don't like Spider-Man because he's just so darn quippy (that and he gets in the way of the bank robberies). It is yet to be revealed if it was the deal with Mephisto that erased their memories, but as of issue #569 of Amazing Spider-Man, neither of them are aware of the man behind the mask.

Sure, Osborn is still the brains of the Marvel underbelly, but he is instantly and suddenly far less threatening. Sure, Venom is still a complete sociopath, but if he's not going to be gunning for those the loves of Peter's life, how is he any different than any of the other crazies Spider-Man has to put up with?

They've been watered down. Neutered. Castrated. Robbed. Violated. Inexplicably changed.

Why does Marvel want to force Spider-Man to forever exist in the first thirty-eight issues of Amazing Spider-Man?

I thought we had all grown past that.

I know I have.