My Proposed Solution (or, "Why They'll Never Let Me Write Spider-Man") Part 2

I have been contracted by the General Conference to write about forty skits and plays that they are going to post on their website free for download. If you need, say, a skit that explains the relationship the Holy Spirit has to the Trinity, you'll be able to go to that website, and a couple of clicks later you'll have a script written by moi sitting on your desktop.

I give you this little backstory so that you'll understand why I've been writing a script a day. Most of them are pretty short, less than 10 pages, but it's still a challenge to come up with something new and interesting every day. As a result of this forced creativity, I'm having all these other peripheral ideas. I'm writing most of them down and hope to revisit each of them some day.

One such idea (which will never be used) was a new ending to One More Day. Imagine if this is the way it played out:

May is shot. Doctors don't know what they can do for her. Try as they might, they just can't save her. The damge is too vast and her body is too old. Spidey swings off, desperate for help. He doesn't care who has to provide the help, he just wants to save his dear old Aunt May. So he goes to everyone, hero and villain alike. Everyone reviews the case, but in turn, each of them shake their head and apologize. There is nothing that can be done.

Doctor Strange, who had bent time and space for Peter, that he might travel to each person quicker tells Peter, "it seems the universe is set in its way. Sometimes, to keep the balance, death is required." This sparks an idea in Peter. "A death?" He repeats. "Could it be someone else?"

The next issue begins with "one last day" between Peter and MJ. They're melancholy. They laugh, they love, they revisit all their favorite memories. Finally Peter kisses her "good-bye." Doctor Strange opens a time portal. Through it, Spider-Man can see the hotel room from last week. He knows where the sniper is. He waits as long as he can, and just as his Spider-sense starts tingling, he leaps through the portal.

Spider-Man crashes into Peter Parker, shoving him in the way of the bullet. MJ screams. Spider-Man falls to the floor, turns around, and sees Peter falling onto the floor, a bloody mess. Under his mask, he smiles, "it worked!" And then he fades from existence.

Between One More Day and Brand New Day we have an interlude: The Funeral of Peter Parker. It's a beautiful book in which all the heroes (and even a few surprise villains) show up to bade Peter good-bye. J Jonah Jameson even stands up and says, "he was the best damn photographer I had." Everyone you would want to be there, is there. Afterwards, MJ and Aunt May climb into a car and are driven home (would that be Stark Tower at this point? I honestly can't remember).

They find Peter there, in his Spider-Man suit, mask off. MJ looks at him and smiles. "So what's a world without Peter Parker going to be like?"

In Brand New Day, we pick up the adventures of Spider-Man. We discover that because of his heightened abilities, the gun shot wound didn't hurt him nearly as bad as it would have Aunt Many. A lucky side-effect no-one was counting on (though that won't be able to be said straight-out, as this Peter will have no memory of One More Day).

With Peter out of the picture, the Parkers now have to rely on MJ's workload to pay for their bills. This could be a new and exciting way to make her character more relevant to the story.

Peter refuses to show or tell anyone his identity. It's the only way he can protect MJ and May. With Peter "dead," no villains have any reason to target the Parker girls. This, however, does lead to a lot of distrust amongst the heroes. They don't know who this Spider-Impostor is and they think it's real disrespectful what he's doing. So this puts Spidey on the outs with everyone.

That's just the starting point. Countless stories could spin out of this set-up and would give Spider-Man a real interesting identity among comic book heroes. He would be the only one (that I can think of) that wouldn't have a dual identity. He'd be just Spider-Man.

But at this point, we would need a Delorean to pull this off.

A Healthy Respect

Just got out of JJ Abrams' Star Trek. Go see it. If you're any fan of science fiction, go see it. It is an absolutely fantastic space adventure. After you've gone and seen it, come back to this blog because the next paragraph (and the rest of the blog) is going to revolve around some plot points I'm not sure you want spoiled.

I've been a fan of JJ Abrams since Alias. I enjoyed that show so much, and the things he's done since, I've even gone back and watched Felicity. When it was announced he was doing Star Trek, I was psyched. Now, have just left the theatre not even an hour ago, I wish he and Quesada could have a sit-down.

The movie's plot revolves around a new timeline beginning. It isn't history being rewritten, it's a new tangent timeline being created. Which means the old movies and the old shows are still canon. They just don't apply to this new universe. Spock is the only character from the old universe to see this new universe. In fact, him being isolated or lost in this new universe is really quite tragic -- though, it does, admittedly, give him a new chance to be a new kind of hero.

This healthy respect Abrams has for the old show, its fanbase, and all prior continuity is so appreciated it's nearly humbling. In this single (first?) movie, he has created the opportunity for new adventures to begin. We can have new adventures of Kirk, Spock, Bones and Scotty. We can go back and revisit these beloved characters in the situations we loved seeing them in -- and even new moments as we carve out a new history for them. We get all that. Without having to forfeit a single episode or movie.

We can have our continuity and a reboot too.

It may be comparing apples and oranges. Doing this to the Spider-Man books would wreck havoc on all the Marvel comics, as interwoven as they all are. But it sure would have been nice. A healthy dose of respect would have been appreciated. Instead of the slap in the face we got.

Cognitive Dissonance

On the SuperHeroHype! boards (and every comic book store/comic con in America), there has been an on-going debate over Spider-Man's Brand New Day. Specifically, there has been an examination of the stories. We, the readers, have been trying to figure out why the stories we've been reading post-One More Day couldn't have been told with a married Peter Parker. Obviously, one of the directions the conversation has gone is over whether these stories are any good or not. Are people enjoying them, that sort of thing.

It was this path that led me reliaze that within me, and much of the comic book fan world, there is a very strong cognitive dissonance taking place.

Generally speaking, we like the stories. JMS' run on Amazing Spider-Man was one of drama. And while I enjoyed the drama, the more light-hearted stories we've been given has been a nice change of pace. However (and this is where the cognitive dissonance takes place), most of us are still befuddled as to why a Mephisto-ordained divorice had to take place to get us where we are today.

If it was just a change in tone that was required, why not just tell the Spidey brain trust "hey, let's keep things light for a while?" If Harry's ressurrection was going to be Goblin formula based and not Mephisto borne, why not just tell that story? If the concern was to return Spidey's secret identity to him, why not just tell that story? It seems like there's a lot of stories that could have taken the place of One More Day and accomplished the same result -- but would have let us keep MJ.

Scratch That

Why should I have to give up my hero? If I and thousands like me are willing to pay money to read a book that follows a maturing superhero, should we not be able to have that? I understand that Spider-Man is Marvel's property and they can do whatever they want, but shouldn't they also do what we want, as we're the ones employing them (essentially)?

If you want a more light-hearted Spider-Man, hire writers to write a light-hearted Spider-Man. Don't give Mephisto continuity-altering abilities that "allows you" to write the kind of Spider-Man you want to write about. Because, aside from the Betty Brant issue, all of these stories could have been told with MJ.

And let's be honest. The Betty Brant issue was really good. But good enough to throw Peter and MJ's marriage away for? Not by a long shot.

So man up, Marvel. Accept and embrace your characters' continuity and tell better stories! You know why all us fanboys loved Green Arrow's ressurection? It's not because we were all missing Green Arrow. It's because his ressurrection was the most continuity-embracing ressurection we'd ever read. He wasn't brought back with a spell or some reality-shaping witch. He was brought back in such a specific way we all collectively pulled a Keanu and went, "whoa." You could be doing the same thing -- instead of this "Brand New Day" crap that has left us all going, "what is going on?"

And not in a good, Usual Suspects sort of way; in a do-they-have-a-clue-what-they're-doing Phantom Menace sort of way.

Revelations

You know what? I get it. I do. My revelation came Thursday night, January 22, 2009. It was a revelation I was not expecting and it came from a source I was not expecting either. Who would have thought George Lucas would help me see the light?

I've been a long-time defender of the Prequel Trilogy. Yes, I am aware that all my dork cred was just sliced in twain by Exar Kun's double-bladed lightsaber*. My defense has (and will continue to be) that George Lucas makes movies for twelve year-old boys. When were twelve, there wasn't anything cooler than Star Wars. But now we're all growed up. And it's not that Lucas is failing to grow up with us. It's that his target demographic is now younger than us. We of the older generation need to step aside and let the twelve year-olds enjoy their movies (that being said, what if Episode II was Episode I, Episode II was The Clone Wars, and Episode III remained Episode III? There's a kick-@$$ Prequel Trilogy for ya').

Sorry. Back to Spider-Man.

So on Thursday, January 22, 2009, I heard myself saying exactly the same thing about the latest Indiana Jones movie. And that's when it dawned on me: If this is true of Star Wars and Indiana Jones -- why is it not true for Spider-Man?

Who am I to demand that the character grows up with me? Why should we age together? Why should he have to assume the same responsibilities I do? Comics belong in the hands of children. Well, most mainstream comics do.

So, Quesada/Marvel/Mephisto, I get it. I'm too old for Spider-Man. Spider-Man belongs to the twelve year-olds and you're just trying to get him back there. I just wish you had used other means to get him there. Because I've said it before and I'll keep saying it: The deal with the devil sucks.

I wish you would have just come out and said, "hey, Spider-Man's been great, but we want to take him back to his roots. So we're going to tie off all the loose ends, write one last story, and then start over." Not this "let's keep it all in continuity by throwing out twenty years of continuity so we can attract younger readers while keeping all the readers we've cultivated since 1962."

We could let Spider-Man be Spider-Man and, occassionally, maybe once a year, someone could have written a little one-shot or miniseries that explored the on-going life of the 616's Spider-Man.

So, just to let you know, I get it. I'm a man-child who needs to let his hero go. I just wish you could have let me know a little more respectfully.

* But surely that reference does a little to redeem myself? Right? Right?

Chuck Gets It!

Comic book writer Chuck Dixon just posted a fantastic blog over at his website. I'd recommend everyone read the entire thing, but here's a little excerprt I found especially noteworthy (and pertinent to this blog).

Then there’s getting the character outright, pure-D wrong. This warping and wafting of long established heroes so that they can play a certain role in a story that can only work if you violate that character’s whole reason for being, as well as his coolness factor, are the mark of an ungifted mind.

Like the hero who throws aside all of his moral convictions to make a choice convenient for himself. The hero who gives in because his writer can’t think of a way out for him is common as well. Or, my personal bugaboo, the hero known for his steel trap mind suddenly displaying the intellectual capabilities of a teenager visiting Crystal Lake for the first time.

Check out the rest of what he has to say.

Terrorist Fist Bump Anyone?

Happy Inauguration Day!