Apples and Oranges

Apples and oranges. That's something I like to say to people when they start comparing two things that have no right to be compared. "Apples and oranges, dude. Apples and oranges."

And if there were three words I could say to Marc Guggenheim, it would be, "apples and oranges."

What could he have said that would make me respond in this way?

"Here's my attitude, if anyone is upset about the marriage going away, then they must all be pro gay marriage," he continued. Because if you're pro gay marriage, you understand the distinction between a marriage and a civil union -- that a civil union is not equal to a marriage. We downgraded Mary Jane and Peter to a civil union. If that bothers you, then you're pro gay marriage."

I don't think Guggenheim could have come more out of left field if he had tried. Is this a slam against gay marriage? Is this supposed to scare homophobic comic dorks?

You can read the whole article over at Comicon, but for now count me confused.

Is this what Marvel is resorting to?

Totally Plausible?!

Marvel's feeling the backlash to Brand New Day. Check out this solicit for Amazing Spider-Man #581 (due out in December).

"The Trouble with Harry" (or "Harry Osborn and the Chamber of Secrets")

It would sure help HARRY OSBORN if he could remember the completely logical, non-magical, and totally plausible way he came back from the dead. A skill like that could be useful, now that his ex-brother-in-law, THE MOLTEN MAN, is out to kill him! Set your spider-sense to tingling as some of the most requested secrets from the time between ONE MORE DAY and BRAND NEW DAY are revealed.

Which says, really, just one thing:

Mephisto brought Harry back to life. But realizing that readers detest this idea on the level of Greedo shooting first (have I used that analogy already?), they've had to do some circular thinking to try to create a new way to bring Harry back, as if to say, "we always intended to do this."

Who wants to bet they somehow blame MJ for this? Like, the only thing that could have saved Harry was MJ not marrying Peter?

EDIT (9/24/08):

There's really only two "totally plausible" scenarios here:

1.) Harry was saved by the same Goblin-healing formula that saved his father.

2.) Harry is, in fact, a Skrull. As far as I'm aware, the Spider-Man universe has largely (compeltely?) been untouched by Secret Invasion. So this would kind of make sense for Marvel to do -- and the nice thing is, it's something they could have done with or without One More Day.

And, yes, they could have gone with Option #1 without One More Day, but Harry was "dead" for so long that it just wouldn't make that much sense.

Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends

Spider-Man is a loner. There's no question about it. He is not a team player. He gets along with people, and he's always an asset to a team, but he functions best when he's alone. However, that is not to say he doesn't need his friends.

Before the unmasking, there were a handful of fellow superheroes who not only knew the man behind the mask, but were actually good friends with Peter. They weren't a team, and they didn't get together that often, but you always knew he could turn to them if he needed help. But since the One More Day retcon, Spidey's lost these friends. He's got nobody now -- which is both awful and ludicrous.

I can certainly understand Marvel's desire to return Spider-Man back to his "lone wolf" status. In the past couple of years, there have been more and more superheroes creeping into the Spider-books. Their presence were required because Spider-Man joined the New Avengers. If you're trying to keep a tight continuity between all the Marvel books, you can't have Spider-Man on a team in one book and not in another. So I understand and support Marvel wanting to return Spider-Man back to his roots of being "just a guy in tights swinging from a synthetic web."

But they haven't done that. He's still part of the New Avengers. It's just that, now, his fellow teammates don't know who they're fighting beside. Which is fine, for the most part. Spider-Man's actions define who he is. The entire Marvel Universe doesn't need to know who Spider-Man is for them to trust him on their team.

But.

Two of Spider-Man's closest super-friends were Daredevil and the Human Torch. When Peter needed help balancing his super-life with his regular life, he went Matt "Daredevil" Murdock. When Spidey needed help with something scientific, he went to Human Torch. Together, they'd figure things out. Granted, those situations can still happen. But now they're going to happen behind this veil of secrecy. "I have this friend" sort of conversations. Which undermines Marvel connectivity.

If you're going to say that everything that's happening in the X-Men books are happening in the Spider-books or the Runaway books, it only seems natural (and right) for their to be a superhero fraternity. You have a couple of teams, namely the X-Men and the Avengers, that assemble some of Marvel's greatest heroes and let them fight side-by-side in a single book. Why do you have that (beyond sales reasons)? Because there are some problems that are bigger than any single superhero.

That's also why we have friends. Because there are personal problems we face that are beyond our range of experience or expertise.

Spider-Man can still be a solo act and have friends. But now he really has nobody to share his fears and frustrations with. Aunt May no longer knows his dual identity (which is its own crying shame). He no longer has Mary Jane (who, I guess, may or may not know his secret). He doesn't have the Human Torch or Daredevil. All those years of heart-to-heart conversations have been thrown out the window and he has become just one man against the world.

Which, in my book, is a giant step backwards.

I (we) Are Not Alone!

Wizard Magazine conducted a poll to see how people felt about the current state of the Spider-comics. The results of that poll were published in Issue #204, and I found this thread at SHH! that discusses the poll and its results.

As soon as I can find a direct link to Wizard's findings, I'll post it here.

It's nice to know I'm not alone in the world.

:)

The Castration of Green Goblin (and Venom, too!)

In Amazing Spider-Man #39, Spider-Man's arch enemy the Green Goblin discovered Spider-Man's secret identity. It was a shocking moment in comic history. Very few (if any) villains ever figure out the hero's secret identity. Despite all the jokes and teasing, I think Batman is the only character to ever figure out Superman's dual identity. It's something that just isn't done. Why? Because it raises the danger bar. If the Green Goblin is so bent on Spider-Man's destruction, why doesn't he just go kidnap Aunt May or any of Peter's friends?

Marvel drew this moment out a bit by giving Norman Osborn amnesia, but as soon as his memory comes back, Green Goblin strikes quick and hard -- killing Peter's girlfriend. It's that kind of realistic horror that just absolutely stupifies comic readers. Heroes are supposed to save the girls. It's basically comic's golden rule.

When the Green Goblin figured out Spider-Man's secret identity, an already formidable foe became an absolute terror.

Then, two-hundred and sixty issues later, in Amazing Spider-Man #299, Venom, in his first full appearance, is revealed to also know Spider-Man's secret identity. It might still very well be the best reveal of a villain we've ever seen. Spider-Man had retired his red and blues for a sleek black and white outfit and had been swinging around in them for some time. So when Venom is first revealed, it's in the Parker apartment. He steps out of the shadows and for a panel or two, we think it might be Peter. But then he smiles.

Instantly, Venom is propelled into superstardom. Not only does he have one of the coolest backstories, not only are his powers incredible and unbelievable, but he knows who Spider-Man is. And he ain't afraid to show up and scare the living daylights out of Mary Jane.

It's also worth noting that it's in this story arc that Peter goes back to the red and blues. Mary Jane is so traumatized by Venom, she can't stand to see the black and white costume anymore. Peter burns it and goes back to his traditional duds.

So there you have it: Two fantastic villains who set themselves apart from the rest by having the knowledge of Spider-Man's dual identity. It's knowledge that makes them the two most dangerous villains in Spidey's Rogue Gallery.

And One More Day has shoved them back into the pack of villains who simply don't like Spider-Man because he's just so darn quippy (that and he gets in the way of the bank robberies). It is yet to be revealed if it was the deal with Mephisto that erased their memories, but as of issue #569 of Amazing Spider-Man, neither of them are aware of the man behind the mask.

Sure, Osborn is still the brains of the Marvel underbelly, but he is instantly and suddenly far less threatening. Sure, Venom is still a complete sociopath, but if he's not going to be gunning for those the loves of Peter's life, how is he any different than any of the other crazies Spider-Man has to put up with?

They've been watered down. Neutered. Castrated. Robbed. Violated. Inexplicably changed.

Why does Marvel want to force Spider-Man to forever exist in the first thirty-eight issues of Amazing Spider-Man?

I thought we had all grown past that.

I know I have.