The Parkers Live

My Proposed Solution (or, "Why They'll Never Let Me Write Spider-Man") Part 2

2009-05-13T18:09:00.006-04:00

I have been contracted by the General Conference to write about forty skits and plays that they are going to post on their website free for download. If you need, say, a skit that explains the relationship the Holy Spirit has to the Trinity, you'll be able to go to that website, and a couple of clicks later you'll have a script written by moi sitting on your desktop.

I give you this little backstory so that you'll understand why I've been writing a script a day. Most of them are pretty short, less than 10 pages, but it's still a challenge to come up with something new and interesting every day. As a result of this forced creativity, I'm having all these other peripheral ideas. I'm writing most of them down and hope to revisit each of them some day.

One such idea (which will never be used) was a new ending to One More Day. Imagine if this is the way it played out:

May is shot. Doctors don't know what they can do for her. Try as they might, they just can't save her. The damge is too vast and her body is too old. Spidey swings off, desperate for help. He doesn't care who has to provide the help, he just wants to save his dear old Aunt May. So he goes to everyone, hero and villain alike. Everyone reviews the case, but in turn, each of them shake their head and apologize. There is nothing that can be done.

Doctor Strange, who had bent time and space for Peter, that he might travel to each person quicker tells Peter, "it seems the universe is set in its way. Sometimes, to keep the balance, death is required." This sparks an idea in Peter. "A death?" He repeats. "Could it be someone else?"

The next issue begins with "one last day" between Peter and MJ. They're melancholy. They laugh, they love, they revisit all their favorite memories. Finally Peter kisses her "good-bye." Doctor Strange opens a time portal. Through it, Spider-Man can see the hotel room from last week. He knows where the sniper is. He waits as long as he can, and just as his Spider-sense starts tingling, he leaps through the portal.

Spider-Man crashes into Peter Parker, shoving him in the way of the bullet. MJ screams. Spider-Man falls to the floor, turns around, and sees Peter falling onto the floor, a bloody mess. Under his mask, he smiles, "it worked!" And then he fades from existence.

Between One More Day and Brand New Day we have an interlude: The Funeral of Peter Parker. It's a beautiful book in which all the heroes (and even a few surprise villains) show up to bade Peter good-bye. J Jonah Jameson even stands up and says, "he was the best damn photographer I had." Everyone you would want to be there, is there. Afterwards, MJ and Aunt May climb into a car and are driven home (would that be Stark Tower at this point? I honestly can't remember).

They find Peter there, in his Spider-Man suit, mask off. MJ looks at him and smiles. "So what's a world without Peter Parker going to be like?"

In Brand New Day, we pick up the adventures of Spider-Man. We discover that because of his heightened abilities, the gun shot wound didn't hurt him nearly as bad as it would have Aunt Many. A lucky side-effect no-one was counting on (though that won't be able to be said straight-out, as this Peter will have no memory of One More Day).

With Peter out of the picture, the Parkers now have to rely on MJ's workload to pay for their bills. This could be a new and exciting way to make her character more relevant to the story.

Peter refuses to show or tell anyone his identity. It's the only way he can protect MJ and May. With Peter "dead," no villains have any reason to target the Parker girls. This, however, does lead to a lot of distrust amongst the heroes. They don't know who this Spider-Impostor is and they think it's real disrespectful what he's doing. So this puts Spidey on the outs with everyone.

That's just the starting point. Countless stories could spin out of this set-up and would give Spider-Man a real interesting identity among comic book heroes. He would be the only one (that I can think of) that wouldn't have a dual identity. He'd be just Spider-Man.

But at this point, we would need a Delorean to pull this off.

A Healthy Respect

2009-05-10T23:02:00.005-04:00

Just got out of JJ Abrams' Star Trek. Go see it. If you're any fan of science fiction, go see it. It is an absolutely fantastic space adventure. After you've gone and seen it, come back to this blog because the next paragraph (and the rest of the blog) is going to revolve around some plot points I'm not sure you want spoiled.

I've been a fan of JJ Abrams since Alias. I enjoyed that show so much, and the things he's done since, I've even gone back and watched Felicity. When it was announced he was doing Star Trek, I was psyched. Now, have just left the theatre not even an hour ago, I wish he and Quesada could have a sit-down.

The movie's plot revolves around a new timeline beginning. It isn't history being rewritten, it's a new tangent timeline being created. Which means the old movies and the old shows are still canon. They just don't apply to this new universe. Spock is the only character from the old universe to see this new universe. In fact, him being isolated or lost in this new universe is really quite tragic -- though, it does, admittedly, give him a new chance to be a new kind of hero.

This healthy respect Abrams has for the old show, its fanbase, and all prior continuity is so appreciated it's nearly humbling. In this single (first?) movie, he has created the opportunity for new adventures to begin. We can have new adventures of Kirk, Spock, Bones and Scotty. We can go back and revisit these beloved characters in the situations we loved seeing them in -- and even new moments as we carve out a new history for them. We get all that. Without having to forfeit a single episode or movie.

We can have our continuity and a reboot too.

It may be comparing apples and oranges. Doing this to the Spider-Man books would wreck havoc on all the Marvel comics, as interwoven as they all are. But it sure would have been nice. A healthy dose of respect would have been appreciated. Instead of the slap in the face we got.

Cognitive Dissonance

2009-02-11T11:24:00.003-05:00

On the SuperHeroHype! boards (and every comic book store/comic con in America), there has been an on-going debate over Spider-Man's Brand New Day. Specifically, there has been an examination of the stories. We, the readers, have been trying to figure out why the stories we've been reading post-One More Day couldn't have been told with a married Peter Parker. Obviously, one of the directions the conversation has gone is over whether these stories are any good or not. Are people enjoying them, that sort of thing.

It was this path that led me reliaze that within me, and much of the comic book fan world, there is a very strong cognitive dissonance taking place.

Generally speaking, we like the stories. JMS' run on Amazing Spider-Man was one of drama. And while I enjoyed the drama, the more light-hearted stories we've been given has been a nice change of pace. However (and this is where the cognitive dissonance takes place), most of us are still befuddled as to why a Mephisto-ordained divorice had to take place to get us where we are today.

If it was just a change in tone that was required, why not just tell the Spidey brain trust "hey, let's keep things light for a while?" If Harry's ressurrection was going to be Goblin formula based and not Mephisto borne, why not just tell that story? If the concern was to return Spidey's secret identity to him, why not just tell that story? It seems like there's a lot of stories that could have taken the place of One More Day and accomplished the same result -- but would have let us keep MJ.

Scratch That

2009-01-25T05:41:00.004-05:00

Why should I have to give up my hero? If I and thousands like me are willing to pay money to read a book that follows a maturing superhero, should we not be able to have that? I understand that Spider-Man is Marvel's property and they can do whatever they want, but shouldn't they also do what we want, as we're the ones employing them (essentially)?

If you want a more light-hearted Spider-Man, hire writers to write a light-hearted Spider-Man. Don't give Mephisto continuity-altering abilities that "allows you" to write the kind of Spider-Man you want to write about. Because, aside from the Betty Brant issue, all of these stories could have been told with MJ.

And let's be honest. The Betty Brant issue was really good. But good enough to throw Peter and MJ's marriage away for? Not by a long shot.

So man up, Marvel. Accept and embrace your characters' continuity and tell better stories! You know why all us fanboys loved Green Arrow's ressurection? It's not because we were all missing Green Arrow. It's because his ressurrection was the most continuity-embracing ressurection we'd ever read. He wasn't brought back with a spell or some reality-shaping witch. He was brought back in such a specific way we all collectively pulled a Keanu and went, "whoa." You could be doing the same thing -- instead of this "Brand New Day" crap that has left us all going, "what is going on?"

And not in a good, Usual Suspects sort of way; in a do-they-have-a-clue-what-they're-doing Phantom Menace sort of way.

Revelations

2009-01-23T17:04:00.006-05:00

You know what? I get it. I do. My revelation came Thursday night, January 22, 2009. It was a revelation I was not expecting and it came from a source I was not expecting either. Who would have thought George Lucas would help me see the light?

I've been a long-time defender of the Prequel Trilogy. Yes, I am aware that all my dork cred was just sliced in twain by Exar Kun's double-bladed lightsaber*. My defense has (and will continue to be) that George Lucas makes movies for twelve year-old boys. When were twelve, there wasn't anything cooler than Star Wars. But now we're all growed up. And it's not that Lucas is failing to grow up with us. It's that his target demographic is now younger than us. We of the older generation need to step aside and let the twelve year-olds enjoy their movies (that being said, what if Episode II was Episode I, Episode II was The Clone Wars, and Episode III remained Episode III? There's a kick-@$$ Prequel Trilogy for ya').

Sorry. Back to Spider-Man.

So on Thursday, January 22, 2009, I heard myself saying exactly the same thing about the latest Indiana Jones movie. And that's when it dawned on me: If this is true of Star Wars and Indiana Jones -- why is it not true for Spider-Man?

Who am I to demand that the character grows up with me? Why should we age together? Why should he have to assume the same responsibilities I do? Comics belong in the hands of children. Well, most mainstream comics do.

So, Quesada/Marvel/Mephisto, I get it. I'm too old for Spider-Man. Spider-Man belongs to the twelve year-olds and you're just trying to get him back there. I just wish you had used other means to get him there. Because I've said it before and I'll keep saying it: The deal with the devil sucks.

I wish you would have just come out and said, "hey, Spider-Man's been great, but we want to take him back to his roots. So we're going to tie off all the loose ends, write one last story, and then start over." Not this "let's keep it all in continuity by throwing out twenty years of continuity so we can attract younger readers while keeping all the readers we've cultivated since 1962."

We could let Spider-Man be Spider-Man and, occassionally, maybe once a year, someone could have written a little one-shot or miniseries that explored the on-going life of the 616's Spider-Man.

So, just to let you know, I get it. I'm a man-child who needs to let his hero go. I just wish you could have let me know a little more respectfully.

* But surely that reference does a little to redeem myself? Right? Right?

Chuck Gets It!

2009-01-22T02:27:00.004-05:00

Comic book writer Chuck Dixon just posted a fantastic blog over at his website. I'd recommend everyone read the entire thing, but here's a little excerprt I found especially noteworthy (and pertinent to this blog).

Then there’s getting the character outright, pure-D wrong. This warping and wafting of long established heroes so that they can play a certain role in a story that can only work if you violate that character’s whole reason for being, as well as his coolness factor, are the mark of an ungifted mind.

Like the hero who throws aside all of his moral convictions to make a choice convenient for himself. The hero who gives in because his writer can’t think of a way out for him is common as well. Or, my personal bugaboo, the hero known for his steel trap mind suddenly displaying the intellectual capabilities of a teenager visiting Crystal Lake for the first time.

Check out the rest of what he has to say.

Terrorist Fist Bump Anyone?

2009-01-21T00:13:00.005-05:00

Happy Inauguration Day!

Truly Stan-tastic!

2009-01-04T23:03:00.003-05:00

Okay. Now there is absolutely no sarcasm attached to that title. Why? Because in today's strip, Stan revealed that Peter and MJ's marriage is intact. He's just gone back in time to tell previously untold stories that took place before the marriage.

And that I can approve of.

Stan-tastic!

2009-01-03T03:02:00.003-05:00

It's hard to be sarcastic and cynical towards Stan Lee. I mean the man practically created the entire Marvel universe. And while I do wish he had a little more backbone and stood up for his characters, I do have to respect the guy.

His newspaper strip is taking the Brand New Day approach, it seems. Though he seems to be just starting over, by-passing the whole deal-with-the-devil thing.

Which, honestly, I like better. It doesn't sully the character in any way. It just lets the writer tell the stories he wants. The more this unfolds, the more I wish Marvel had just done that.

I wish they had told one last big epic story that tied off the entire Spider-Man run. Then, took a few months off to get their crap together. Then come back, with Peter Parker the lowly college or high school student. They could keep their flagship character and we wouldn't have to deal with all this Satanic alternate reality crap.

Here's hoping there's a happy ending in this for Peter somewhere.

Say It Ain't So, Stan!

2009-01-01T20:01:00.004-05:00

Stan Lee, the creator of Spider-Man and the one solely responsible for the Peter and Mary Jane marriage, seems to have gotten on board with this Brand New Day Marvel is forcing down our throats.

I'm not sure what newspapers carry it (mine doesn't), but Stan Lee and his brother have been publishing a daily Spider-Man comic strip for what I can only guess to be decades. Well, starting today, January 1st, 2009, Peter Parker is no longer the man he grew up to be. Nor the husband. Instead he's a college boy, living with Aunt May. Again.

I Called It!

2008-12-26T02:20:00.002-05:00

Almost exactly three months ago, I called it.

I said the only (real) plausible way for Harry to have come back from the dead was to have him healed by the same Gobline serum that saved Norman oh-so-many years ago.

I thought me being able to call it from so long ago would actually make it not happen. I mean, yes, I knew Harry was back. But I thought Marvel writers were cleverer than me. I thought by saying "goblin formula regeneration" that would force Marvel to say "Thanos" or "Mephisto" or "Ben Reilly."

But no. The answer actually was goblin formula.

And the truth of it is that it actually doesn't bother me.

Sure, I like Harry better dead. I think his character has served its purpose and bringing him back now is just to tug on the ol' nostalgic heartstrings of comic book readers older than 30 (you know, people who remember him before he became a drug addict). I also think this is the final nail in the coffin of The Osborn Tragedy. Bringing him back now doesn't seem anyway to revitalize the books, especially since his return demands a divorice or an anullment or . . . some marriage thing that Marvel usually just hocus-pocuses away.

Also, I like continuity. I've been waiting for this moment ever since Peter Parker: Spider-Man #75, in which Norman revealed that as soon as he was impaled by his glider, the goblin formula began healing his body. Thus his death was only his "apparent death." This obviously opened a revolving door in the lobby of Those Killed While on Goblin Formula (paging Doctor Hamilton -- Doctor Hamilton, you're wanted in the lobby).

Harry's return was only a matter of time. Especially with the Spider-movies doing so well and with Harry being such a loved character in those movies. Why not cash in on that? But now the timing's all wrong.

I would have rather had Harry come back a couple of years ago, maybe just before Spider-Man 2 came out. Sure, it would have looked like a cheap cash-in on the movie, but I'd prefer that over this. Because now, it just looks like they're trying to sweep Mephisto and his marriage-ending schemes under the rug.

Let's not forget it was within just a handful of pages from Mephisto splitting the Parkers up (and destroying years of Spider-continuity) that it was revealed Harry was alive as well. And do you remember Marvel's mantra at the time?

"When you make a deal with the devil, you get what you want, but you also get something you don't want. Peter and Mary Jane saved Aunt May -- but now Harry's back. What's that going to mean?"

The Spider-books are stained. They're tainted. And my Lady MacBeth-like wringing of my hands isn't getting it out.

OMD: One Year Later

2008-12-15T21:58:00.004-05:00

Has it already been a year? I can't believe it, really. I've been so busy spending my Spider-bucks on Batman and Superman books that I forgot that it had been a year since I gave Marvel a single dollar!

(Okay, that's not true. I have been giving them money for Runaways. I love that book.)

All my Spider-books, however, I have purchased second-hand. Because I love Spider-Man. I do. He's my favorite of the heroes. I can't quit him. But I stand by my stance that what Marvel has done to him is unforgivable.

And I have better things to do with my life than to wait for things to get better. That's why I don't watch Fringe. I don't trust the writers or the powers-that-be to turn this thing around (no matter how brave Stan Lee says they are).

But. I still hold out hope. If they do turn things around, I might come back. For right now, I just can't. So until they do make mine . . .

DC?

Oh, I feel so dirty . . .

Register to Vote!!

2008-10-04T13:28:00.008-04:00

We need to take a small break from this debate to stress the following:

Register to vote! Every state has different days for the deadline to register is, make sure you register if you haven't already!

For all my fellow Tennesseans:

Monday (October 6th) is the last day for you to register to vote! If you want to vote this year, you HAVE to be registered to vote! If you don't do it on Monday, you're going to have to wait another four years!

Put it on your to-do list on Monday! Do it before work, or after work, or during your lunch break or just call in sick and call it your Patriotic Mini-Day of Vacation. If you're in school, skip class.!

If you're one of my many non-Tennessean friends, here's a Rock the Vote site that will let you know when your state's deadline is. Mark it on your calender in red and be sure to get out there and register before the deadline!

They say it every election, but I do believe that this election may very well be the most important election of our time!

I don't care which way you vote.

I just want your voice to be heard.

The Problem With MJ

2008-10-02T11:27:00.013-04:00

As I continue to wrap my mind around the concept of "a single Spider-Man is superior to a married one," I've tried to put myself in the writers' shoes. What would it be like to write the current Spider-Man? What would it have been like three years ago (pre-OMD)? What would it have been like in the very beginning? And I've realized something.

Mary Jane doesn't lend herself to the Spider-stories the way, say, Lois Lane can compliment the Superman stories.

In the Superman books, it's not uncommon for Lois and Clark/Superman to be fighting the same fight. While Supes takes on the giant robot/alien/Lex Luthor, Lois is on the ground, using her investigative journalism to expose said robot/alien/Lex Luthor plot to the world. Her job and her character go hand-in-hand with action stories. And honestly, her character lends itself well to a wide range of story types. You could put her investigation into the heart of a thriller, a horror, a sci-fi, a comedy, a drama, or an adventure story and it wouldn't be a stretch at all.

Then there's MJ.

You can tell she was created to be a supporting character. She was created to be part of Peter's life for a time and then, in all likelihood, leave. Or marry Flash or . . . Harry or . . . The Spot.

She originally showed up as a party girl. Someone who got bored when the situation became serious. She was there, really, to be a sexy counterpoint to Gwen -- who was a more natural fit to Spider-Man, Peter Parker and the whole universe. MJ went on to become an actress and a model and then (in the hands of Todd McFarlane, I believe), she became a supermodel. Not only was she quickly becoming someone readers couldn't relate to, she was becoming harder and harder to fit into the typical superhero-fights-supervillain stories that are comic books. Despite sharing more and more of the spotlight with Peter, she was still a supporting character. Because that's who or what she was created to be.

When Gwen died, though, everything changed. Some have argued that comic books everywhere changed forever. I can't testify to that, but I can say that the Spider-books definitely changed forever. Because it was then that Mary Jane stepped up and began to show some real character. When Peter was mourning the loss of their friend (his girlfriend), it was MJ that stuck around and tried to comfort him -- something that had never happened before. Thus began her journey towards becoming something bigger and something better.

She grew, but perhaps not in the way she should have. To be incoperated into the story more, she needed to find an occupation that would put her in harm's way more often and more naturally. And I'm not saying "so Spider-Man can rescue her" but so that she could carry her own. But instead of becoming a reporter or an activist or a politician, she became a supermodel. I would argue that was the first nail in her coffin (so to speak). But how do you incoperate a character like that into your story without grinding it to a hault? You have Spidey over here, swinging through the city, and then you flash back to MJ, who's on set or at some photo shoot.

I can understand the writers' frustration.

Because, as Peter's wife, you want to give her the best you can. You don't want to relegate the wife as the person Peter comes back to and whines at every night. In 2008 and beyond, you don't want to relegate her to Susy Homemaker. You want her pro-active. So I can understand the frustration. This seems like the constant problem you have in superhero books. How do you give your hero a partner that both fits your hero and the world he lives in? Looking back over the loves of Peter's life, none of them (with the exception of Black Cat) have really fit into the super-heroic world. Betty Brant might have, but people would have called her a Lois Lane knock-off (Black Cat is already seen as a Catwoman knock-off).

However.

This whole situtation reminds me of high school. I used to come home and complain about my teachers. When my grades would come in, and my parents would see a row of C's, they'd ask me why I wasn't doing better. I'd often blame my teachers, saying they weren't interesting or they were unfair or they just weren't challenging me. My dad's response was always the same: A good student will rise above a poor teacher.

A good writer will rise above a poor set-up. A good writer would make it work. A good writer would find a way to spin the story in a new and exciting direction that was also a natural one. While Brand New Day might seem exciting and new, it's not natural. It's an abrupt 180 degree turn.

Even acknowledging MJ's faults, this is still poor and sloppy story-telling.

But I guess I really shouldn't expect more from a comic book. Despite the leaps and bounds of growth we've seen over the years, it's still a medium that depends on sensationalism.

Apples and Oranges

2008-09-26T15:09:00.003-04:00

Apples and oranges. That's something I like to say to people when they start comparing two things that have no right to be compared. "Apples and oranges, dude. Apples and oranges."

And if there were three words I could say to Marc Guggenheim, it would be, "apples and oranges."

What could he have said that would make me respond in this way?

"Here's my attitude, if anyone is upset about the marriage going away, then they must all be pro gay marriage," he continued. Because if you're pro gay marriage, you understand the distinction between a marriage and a civil union -- that a civil union is not equal to a marriage. We downgraded Mary Jane and Peter to a civil union. If that bothers you, then you're pro gay marriage."

I don't think Guggenheim could have come more out of left field if he had tried. Is this a slam against gay marriage? Is this supposed to scare homophobic comic dorks?

You can read the whole article over at Comicon, but for now count me confused.

Is this what Marvel is resorting to?

Totally Plausible?!

2008-09-18T02:19:00.005-04:00

Marvel's feeling the backlash to Brand New Day. Check out this solicit for Amazing Spider-Man #581 (due out in December).

"The Trouble with Harry" (or "Harry Osborn and the Chamber of Secrets")

It would sure help HARRY OSBORN if he could remember the completely logical, non-magical, and totally plausible way he came back from the dead. A skill like that could be useful, now that his ex-brother-in-law, THE MOLTEN MAN, is out to kill him! Set your spider-sense to tingling as some of the most requested secrets from the time between ONE MORE DAY and BRAND NEW DAY are revealed.

Which says, really, just one thing:

Mephisto brought Harry back to life. But realizing that readers detest this idea on the level of Greedo shooting first (have I used that analogy already?), they've had to do some circular thinking to try to create a new way to bring Harry back, as if to say, "we always intended to do this."

Who wants to bet they somehow blame MJ for this? Like, the only thing that could have saved Harry was MJ not marrying Peter?

EDIT (9/24/08):

There's really only two "totally plausible" scenarios here:

1.) Harry was saved by the same Goblin-healing formula that saved his father.

2.) Harry is, in fact, a Skrull. As far as I'm aware, the Spider-Man universe has largely (compeltely?) been untouched by Secret Invasion. So this would kind of make sense for Marvel to do -- and the nice thing is, it's something they could have done with or without One More Day.

And, yes, they could have gone with Option #1 without One More Day, but Harry was "dead" for so long that it just wouldn't make that much sense.

Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends

2008-09-04T04:56:00.001-04:00

Spider-Man is a loner. There's no question about it. He is not a team player. He gets along with people, and he's always an asset to a team, but he functions best when he's alone. However, that is not to say he doesn't need his friends.

Before the unmasking, there were a handful of fellow superheroes who not only knew the man behind the mask, but were actually good friends with Peter. They weren't a team, and they didn't get together that often, but you always knew he could turn to them if he needed help. But since the One More Day retcon, Spidey's lost these friends. He's got nobody now -- which is both awful and ludicrous.

I can certainly understand Marvel's desire to return Spider-Man back to his "lone wolf" status. In the past couple of years, there have been more and more superheroes creeping into the Spider-books. Their presence were required because Spider-Man joined the New Avengers. If you're trying to keep a tight continuity between all the Marvel books, you can't have Spider-Man on a team in one book and not in another. So I understand and support Marvel wanting to return Spider-Man back to his roots of being "just a guy in tights swinging from a synthetic web."

But they haven't done that. He's still part of the New Avengers. It's just that, now, his fellow teammates don't know who they're fighting beside. Which is fine, for the most part. Spider-Man's actions define who he is. The entire Marvel Universe doesn't need to know who Spider-Man is for them to trust him on their team.

But.

Two of Spider-Man's closest super-friends were Daredevil and the Human Torch. When Peter needed help balancing his super-life with his regular life, he went Matt "Daredevil" Murdock. When Spidey needed help with something scientific, he went to Human Torch. Together, they'd figure things out. Granted, those situations can still happen. But now they're going to happen behind this veil of secrecy. "I have this friend" sort of conversations. Which undermines Marvel connectivity.

If you're going to say that everything that's happening in the X-Men books are happening in the Spider-books or the Runaway books, it only seems natural (and right) for their to be a superhero fraternity. You have a couple of teams, namely the X-Men and the Avengers, that assemble some of Marvel's greatest heroes and let them fight side-by-side in a single book. Why do you have that (beyond sales reasons)? Because there are some problems that are bigger than any single superhero.

That's also why we have friends. Because there are personal problems we face that are beyond our range of experience or expertise.

Spider-Man can still be a solo act and have friends. But now he really has nobody to share his fears and frustrations with. Aunt May no longer knows his dual identity (which is its own crying shame). He no longer has Mary Jane (who, I guess, may or may not know his secret). He doesn't have the Human Torch or Daredevil. All those years of heart-to-heart conversations have been thrown out the window and he has become just one man against the world.

Which, in my book, is a giant step backwards.

I (we) Are Not Alone!

2008-09-01T01:22:00.002-04:00

Wizard Magazine conducted a poll to see how people felt about the current state of the Spider-comics. The results of that poll were published in Issue #204, and I found this thread at SHH! that discusses the poll and its results.

As soon as I can find a direct link to Wizard's findings, I'll post it here.

It's nice to know I'm not alone in the world.

:)

The Castration of Green Goblin (and Venom, too!)

2008-09-01T00:06:00.003-04:00

In Amazing Spider-Man #39, Spider-Man's arch enemy the Green Goblin discovered Spider-Man's secret identity. It was a shocking moment in comic history. Very few (if any) villains ever figure out the hero's secret identity. Despite all the jokes and teasing, I think Batman is the only character to ever figure out Superman's dual identity. It's something that just isn't done. Why? Because it raises the danger bar. If the Green Goblin is so bent on Spider-Man's destruction, why doesn't he just go kidnap Aunt May or any of Peter's friends?

Marvel drew this moment out a bit by giving Norman Osborn amnesia, but as soon as his memory comes back, Green Goblin strikes quick and hard -- killing Peter's girlfriend. It's that kind of realistic horror that just absolutely stupifies comic readers. Heroes are supposed to save the girls. It's basically comic's golden rule.

When the Green Goblin figured out Spider-Man's secret identity, an already formidable foe became an absolute terror.

Then, two-hundred and sixty issues later, in Amazing Spider-Man #299, Venom, in his first full appearance, is revealed to also know Spider-Man's secret identity. It might still very well be the best reveal of a villain we've ever seen. Spider-Man had retired his red and blues for a sleek black and white outfit and had been swinging around in them for some time. So when Venom is first revealed, it's in the Parker apartment. He steps out of the shadows and for a panel or two, we think it might be Peter. But then he smiles.

Instantly, Venom is propelled into superstardom. Not only does he have one of the coolest backstories, not only are his powers incredible and unbelievable, but he knows who Spider-Man is. And he ain't afraid to show up and scare the living daylights out of Mary Jane.

It's also worth noting that it's in this story arc that Peter goes back to the red and blues. Mary Jane is so traumatized by Venom, she can't stand to see the black and white costume anymore. Peter burns it and goes back to his traditional duds.

So there you have it: Two fantastic villains who set themselves apart from the rest by having the knowledge of Spider-Man's dual identity. It's knowledge that makes them the two most dangerous villains in Spidey's Rogue Gallery.

And One More Day has shoved them back into the pack of villains who simply don't like Spider-Man because he's just so darn quippy (that and he gets in the way of the bank robberies). It is yet to be revealed if it was the deal with Mephisto that erased their memories, but as of issue #569 of Amazing Spider-Man, neither of them are aware of the man behind the mask.

Sure, Osborn is still the brains of the Marvel underbelly, but he is instantly and suddenly far less threatening. Sure, Venom is still a complete sociopath, but if he's not going to be gunning for those the loves of Peter's life, how is he any different than any of the other crazies Spider-Man has to put up with?

They've been watered down. Neutered. Castrated. Robbed. Violated. Inexplicably changed.

Why does Marvel want to force Spider-Man to forever exist in the first thirty-eight issues of Amazing Spider-Man?

I thought we had all grown past that.

I know I have.

CBR Interview

2008-08-31T11:02:00.000-04:00

Comic Book Resources conducted a pretty fantastic (and revealing) five-part interview with Marvel Editor in Chief Joe Quesada. Part 1 can be found here. There's links on each page to take you to the next part. They discuss all things One More Day.

See if you can make sense of it.

Favorite Moment #2

2008-08-29T01:54:00.005-04:00

Okay. I'll be honest. This is probably my favorite Peter/MJ moment. It served as a conclusion to one of the most emotional and well-written arcs in recent Spider-Man history. Peter and MJ had been separated for far too long and were finally back together.

The panels below are the tail end of a much longer monologue inside Peter's head.

Click to embiggen.

Squandered Potential: Spider-Child

2008-08-27T00:25:00.001-04:00

That Tom DeFalco interview got me thinking.

You see, I've always assumed that at some point, Mary Jane and Peter would have a baby. They've been married for as long as I've known them, it only makes sense that at some point, we would hear the pitter-patter of little Parker feet.

But this retcon puts a nail into the coffin of that potential growth. If Marvel's unwilling to allow Peter and Mary Jane to be married, there is no way they would ever even dream of letting them have a baby -- which is a real shame.

If this was a work of literature, the first act would revolve around Spider-Man's tragic origin. We would see the death of Uncle Ben and how that launches Peter down the path of heroism. Act 2 would be about Peter's heroics and the continual regret he has over the death of his uncle -- a death he could have prevented. He would be constantly reminded of Uncle Ben's maxims and creeds and they would define who he was. Act 3 (the act we have been robbed of) would be the Vindication of Peter: Him and MJ would have a child and Peter would be able to pass down everything he was taught. He would become the parent. He would teach his child all things Ben taught him . . . and finally, the ghost of Ben would be able to rest. Peter, in his child, would be able to see the man he has become. And he would know that Ben would be proud.

Since this is a comic, Act 3 wouldn't have to be the end of the story. Spider-Man could still swing through New York, along side his little Spider-Child. Spider-Man could and would become more iconic, his life more legendary, as he passed down his legacy.

But alas. It seems Marvel will forever keep him at that Just Post College Age forever -- which means there is no room for growth.

Gotta Respect DeFalco!

2008-08-26T06:39:00.002-04:00

Back in the 90's, Peter and MJ had a baby. Fearing that having a baby would make Peter look "too old," it was decided to allow the child to be stillborn -- nothing like a miscarriage to keep the characters in touch with today's youth. This child, a little girl, has since been completely ignored and references to her have have never resurfaced.

Until Tom DeFalso brought her back. She first appeared in a "what if" story and then, not too long after, she received her own comic series, The Amazing Spider-Girl. It's not counted as canon, it takes place in a, more or less, parallel universe -- one in which that little girl (May Parker) grew and discovered she has some of daddy's traits and abilities. I've read a handful of issues of Spider-Girl but was never able to really get into it too much (I have a hard time with alternate realities and parallel universes -- another reason I don't read a lot of DC).

But Galactus over at SuperHeroHype! posted this fantastic interview with the writer. It's good to hear that someone over at Marvel has not only heard the fans' outcry, but is responding to it.

it's hard to have hope . . .

2008-08-24T10:00:00.000-04:00

As I read One More Day and its final panels I say to myself, "surely not. Surely they can't let the bad guy win on such a colossal level. And it's not even a good bad guy! It's not Doc Ock or Green Goblin. It's Mephisto, who usually hangs out in the Ghost Rider books! What's he doing in Spider-Man and why has he been given the single greatest victory any villain has had over Spidey?"

His being able to take Mary Jane away from Peter ranks right up there with Green Goblin killing Gwen Stacey. He doesn't deserve that honor. Nothing else compares, really. Not the death of Harry, not the death of Uncle Ben.

So why is he allowed to get away with it? And if he is, it's all the worse because Peter will never mourn losing MJ! Because let's face it: Pete's a melnacholy guy. He's haunted by the deaths of everyone he's ever come into contact with. But not MJ. True, she's not actually dead. But she was the love of his life, his wife for better or for worse. And he's lost her.

And so I try to have hope. I try to think, "surely this won't be allowed to continue. Surely Peter will triumph over the forces of evil."

But then I read Tom Brevoort's blog (he's one of the powers-that-be at Marvel) and he does his best to take away what hope I have:

I think we care about and respect our fans a great deal, but that doesn’t extend to doing everything any of them wants. We’ve been over the argument for why an unmarried Spider-Man is a much more vital character than a married Spider-Man, and how the marriage itself started as a circulation-boosting stunt for the newspaper strip that got out of hand.

We didn’t go to all of the effort and brace to deal with all of the agita simply to cave in and reverse ourselves because some fans are upset. This is a long-term game we’re playing here, and everybody agrees that an unmarried Spider-Man will be much more vital over a much greater period than a married one. We knew there’d be people upset in the short term—but we’re also taking the long term into account.

Now, you never know what might happen in the future. But given that Joe Quesada has no intentions of ever reversing this, Dan Buckley has no intentions of ever reversing this, I have no intentions of ever reversing this, the Marvel West guys are completely supportive of this decision, and upper management is very happy with it, if you’re waiting for a turn-around, you’d better settle in for a long wait.

Guys, like it or hate it, this is the world now. Sorry.

Favorite Moment #1

2008-08-22T14:18:00.000-04:00

That is to say, it's not all my all-time favorite moment, it's just the first in a series of moments in Peter and Mary Jane's relationship I would like to look back on -- as it seems we're unlikely to ever see any of these kinds of moments again.

Click to embiggen!

. . . and that was only the beginning . . .

My Proposed Solution (or, "Why They'll Never Let Me Write Spider-Man")

2008-08-21T04:30:00.002-04:00

It's a belief of mine that unless you have a better idea, you shouldn't complain. So, here's me proving my right to complain.

Maybe it's because I'm a Christian or maybe it's because I hate lazy story-telling, but I cannot endorse and/or respect the Mephisto-created reality Peter Parker now finds himself living in.

The fact that the powers-that-be thought it would be okay for our hero (you know, the one the kids are supposed to look up to) to turn to the devil for salvation boggles the mind. Granted, they gave him three issues to wander the Marvel universe, asking every character every fan would ask, "why didn't he go see him" to help him save his dying aunt. Each of these characters, in so many words, said, "sorry, Spidey, you're out of luck."

The only character he didn't ask for help was Wolverine. And as a fan of Logan, one has to wonder what a blood transfusion from Wolverine would do for a gunshot victim. Instant healing? Immortality?

Sorry. I won't get distracted with the list of powerful demigods that populate the Marvel Universe who have survived and/or treated wounds far worse than a gunshot to the stomach.

Especially since the point of the story was not to show what extent Peter will go to save his aunt; the entire story (and much of the year leading up to it) was about divorcing Peter and MJ without using the word "divorce."

It's at this time I should go on the record saying I'm generally against re tcons. I'm okay with looking back on a moment and saying, "but did you know why that happened," and then adding a little back story. But I believe writers should embrace the history of the characters, not seek out ways to change it because they have a story they want to tell that doesn't fit into the current continuity. Change the present and the future, not the past.

So it doesn't do us much good to cry over spilled milk. Now that Peter and MJ's deal with the devil is part of the Spider-mythos, I think it needs to stay there. But it cannot be treated as the solution to the problem. It needs to be viewed as the catalyst to a bigger, larger story/problem. And in the unlikely event that Marvel hires me on to write that story, this is what I would do:

1.) Begin the story with some minor fight. During that fight (maybe with Shocker or Electro), something happens. A little glitch (like the deja vu in "The Matrix"). Something that makes Peter go, "what the?!"

2.) Expose the fabric of this new reality. I would reveal that Mephisto, as much as he wishes it were not so, is no God. His creation, this world Peter is living in, begins to deteriorate. He is not a creator, he is a destroyer. And so this creation was doomed to fail.

3.) As Peter begins slips into madness, the *REAL* creator shows up. While I think it can be done, I don't think a Spider-Man book is the best place for a theological discussion. So while this creator is God of the Marvel universe, I would make him vague enough that he could be any religion's creator. He's not specifically the Hebrew or the Christian or the Muslim God -- or a Hindu god. He's simply the creator of the Marvel Universe. If you had to assign him to a religion or a mythology, the first I'd go to is the Norse mythology, since it already has such a prominence in Marvel comics. For laughs and giggles, he could look and talk like Stan Lee.

Though, it's probably worth noting that Jesus himself has made an appearance in comics before (back in '74). He once showed up in a Ghost Rider comic (Ghost Rider #9) to protect Johnny Blaze from Satan.

4.) The Creator explains to Peter what has happened. He tells Peter how they (Peter and MJ) were forced to make this decision. Peter is sick and distressed. The creator tells him that something must be done, or this new reality is going to implode on itself and could very well take the entire Marvel universe with it. If Peter is willing to let him, the creator "can fix all this."

5.) "What does that mean?" Peter asks. The creator explains he can wipe this new reality away and restore it to its former glory. But for the creator to do that, Peter has to except that things are going to have to change. Some things will change for the better, some things will change for the worse -- though, ultimately, everything will be for the better as existence will no longer be threatened.

6.) Peter will be married to MJ again. Peter will regain friends in Matt Murdock, the Fantastic Four, and Logan. Peter will lose his friend Harry Osborn (again). But . . . this is the hard part for Peter . . . he's going to lose Aunt May. She was supposed to die. It was her time. Mephisto has granted her a life that was not his to grant. She's lived a long, full life. It's time for Peter to finally say "good-bye" to her. Death is only a part of life.

7.) Mephisto appears and tries to argue with the creator. He tries to persuade Peter. There's a battle between the creator and Mephisto, but it all comes down to a "shoulder angel moment" in which Peter has to decide. It's no decision at all, really.

8.) Peter agrees to the creator's proposal and "Brand New Day" becomes a strange moment in Peter's past in which he got to live a "what if" moment. The creator thanks Peter and encourages him to take more responsibility for his actions. He reminds him that "not all stories have happy endings. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Taking responsibility for your actions doesn't mean you should blame yourself. You need to learn to forgive yourself."

I don't personally think it's a solution a lot of people would be happy with, but I do think it's the solution that needs to happen. Because this "solution" that Marvel has presented us with is a cheap cop-out for both the writers and the characters.

It's a slap in the face to us long-time readers. We love and respect these characters. But the powers-that-be don't love and respect the readers enough if they can completely rewrite Spider-Man's history in four single issues. We deserve better than that.

So that's my proposed solution. Restore the Marvel continuity, make Mephisto pay for what he's done, and then let the characters grow and evolve naturally.

Welcome to "The Parkers Live"

2008-08-20T12:04:00.000-04:00

To be absolutely clear about the mission of this blog:

I have the most stubborn refusal to accept the Mephisto-created reality that Spider-Man now finds himself living in.

So this is dedicated to the preservation and ressurrection of the Parker marriage.

I gladly welcome feedback and colaboration as I (we) examine the comic world of Spider-Man pre-One More Day and post.

Here's hoping this blog won't be needed for long!